


Bones of '92

by boyonthebluemoon



Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Angels, Band Fic, Comedy, Crack, Demons, Gen, Heaven, Hell, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:07:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22159837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boyonthebluemoon/pseuds/boyonthebluemoon
Summary: It was a slow day in hell.
Kudos: 12





	Bones of '92

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so apparently I wrote this fic exactly a year ago but never posted it for some reason, and I completely forgot all about its existence until now. So basically, dead Waterparks meme incoming (don't crucify me for it pls). Also, there's a little reference made to the Daughter of Smoke and Bone book series by Laini Taylor in here, but just as a fun little easter egg.

It was a slow day in hell, and Awsten was getting bored.

He had tried to call for his best friend way up in heaven (as much as he hated praying, it was the only way he could possibly do it), but it seemed that Geoff was busy saving souls or guarding the golden gates or doing whatever ethereal bullshit it was that angels actually did.

Okay, he didn't exactly know. Awsten had constantly bugged for more details one too many times, but Geoff was too strict with protocol and terrified out of his shiny little halo with even just the concept of breaking the rules to tell anyone—least of all a supposedly evil creature like him. How Awsten became best friends with the nicest, purest, most naive kid in this side of the universe is beyond him, but he didn't mind it.

On the contrary, he actually enjoyed messing with the poor angel a lot. The way his shocked face scrunches up, the way his body starts uncontrollably cringing, and the way he always inevitably ends up blushing madly and cowering behind his giant fluffy wings when Awsten starts talking about definitely not safe for seraph stories, it's hilarious—almost enough for Awsten to feel sorry for him and stop. Almost.

He also kind of missed Geoff, but that he wouldn't dare say out loud _ever_. He resented himself for it sometimes, but he couldn't help it. Demons aren't allowed to be soft.

Awsten groaned in frustration as he loudly rapped his knuckles against the chair, staring indifferently at all the underworld suffering and shrieking inferno happening all around him. The tortured screams were beginning to give him a headache something awful.

He decided, finally, that it was time for a little change of scenery.

With a snap of a finger, Awsten's demonic form coalesced into nothing but dark smoke, and not a second later, he instantly found himself on Earth. Specifically, standing in the middle of Otto's bedroom desk.

The human boy, obviously, was startled to see a demon suddenly pop up in front of him while he was solving algebraic expressions; but this wasn't the first time it happened to him, and it most likely wouldn't be the last.

Either way, he was so zoned out that Awsten practically scared the living wits out of him.

"Jesus Christ!"

"No, it's Awsten." His supernatural friend replied irritably, grimacing at the distasteful name.

"Well, whatever. Get down from my desk, please. You're tracking sulphur all over my physics book." Otto sighed, struggling to rearrange the wildly-cascading papers that he had just meticulously stacked mere minutes ago.

Awsten made a miffed face. "Well, hello to you too, nerd."

"Just—alright, what do you want?" Otto smiled darkly, his patience quickly wearing down.

"It's your lucky day, Otto Wood!" Awsten announced proudly as he jumped down from the desk and landed perfectly onto Otto's (now-muddy) bed. "I think being cooped up in your room too much is rotting your giant brain to mush so come on, let's go out and have some fun! Where'd you want to go? Ancient Rome? The future imminent fall of the North Korean government? Fuckin' Disneyland? I'll take you anywhere and anywhen you'd like!" He badgered on.

But to Awsten's pure disbelief, Otto simply shook his head dismissively at the offer. "I'm doing homework right now, Awsten. And I also have to wash my sheets later because my mother's going to kill me if she sees what you've done to it, so thanks for that." He exhaled heavily. "Can't this wait?"

"But I'm bored now!" Awsten complained childishly.

And I need to calculate for the distance of x, so we've all got other things to do." Otto uttered absently, erasing what seemed to be half the page of his workbook. Awsten madly coughed as he accidentally inhaled the detritus of the flying eraser dust. "Really, I appreciate it Aws, but unless you can take me to another dimension where I'm not flunking math hard, this is not the best time for an adventure."

"Out of all the bad decisions you've ever had in your life, choosing some crappy useless education over an epic journey with your coolest otherworldly friend has got to be one of the worst one yet." Awsten murmured dangerously, smoke physically coming out from his flared nostrils and heavily fogging up the room. But Otto simply smirked in tired amusement, already used to his friend's overexcessive flair for theatrics.

"Otto Wood, you will rue the day you ever turned me, Awsten Constantine Knight, Ruler of the Western Hellsphere and Pure Manifestation of Chaos, down." He proclaimed in a demented, sonorous voice, his eyes blazing with literal fire as he threw up his hands and disappeared in an angry crackle of lightning and smoke. "Begone and perish!"

"Love you too!" Otto called out behind him as he returned to hell.

Awsten reappeared back at his office, alone once more and fuming silently. He recklessly shot a fireball at a nearby furniture and instantly melted the poor thing to a puddle, but it didn't feel satisfying to him at all. He knew he was causing a tantrum, but he didn't care. For Satan's sake, he had just been turned down by two of his best friends, and worst of all, he was still. Fucking. Bored! His day was not going as well as he initially planned it to be.

Muttering profanities unknown to mankind and sulking vehemently to himself, Awsten prepared to throw another fiery projectile, this time targeting the room's heavy-duty steel door. As he was about to unleash his full wrath on the defenceless door, it suddenly screeched open and Jawn walked in, making him freeze in his tracks.

"Hey, have you seen Remi around?? He's making me do some blueprints for his next grand redecoration scheme in the big boss's office and—what in the world are you doing?" Jawn blustered once he noticed his friend posing like a determined Greek olympian, drops of blue fire aimed at him falling off Awsten's blazing hand and singeing the carpet.

Awsten simply extinguished it with a flick of the wrist and sighed extravagantly as he dropped back in his chair. "You know what's good, Jawn?"

"...Go on." Jawn hedged, unsure of where this conversation was heading.

"Teeth. I need me some fucking teeth." Awsten continued seriously, ignoring Jawn's bewildered stare. "I think I read somewhere that using teeth of certain animals and stringing them all together with incantations and shit is gonna make a brand new creature. Or something hella cool like that."

"No offence, but what the fuck." Jawn flatly replied, but all that did was earn him some condescending looks like he was some sort of idiot.

"Look, I know it doesn't make sense to your tiny-ass brain, but—"

"No, fine, I get it, I really do. But, I just mean like...you actually know how to read?" Jawn pretended to be surprised. "Huh, you learn something new everyday."

"Eat a chode, you dumb jerk." Awsten forcefully chucked a #1 DAD mug at his red-haired friend, and Jawn easily swatted it away with a laugh.

"So..." Jawn drawled, arching a brow towards Awsten, "what kind of chimeric abomination are you gonna make then?"

Awsten then just noticed the rusty weapon casually swinging in Jawn's hand, and his eyes immediately lit up in pure epiphany.

"I got it."

"Well? Don't keep me in suspense!"

"Toothbat." Awsten whispered the word like it was magical.

Jawn wasn't sure if he heard that right. "Excuse me, you what?"

"It's perfect! How did I not see it before? This kind of digital aberration will cause a riot-scale disturbance in the mortal world, and I am all for it. Fuck dragons and tooth fairies and Santa Claus, soon enough the world's gonna be telling tales and singing ballads about the majestic, graceful, amazing...toothbat. It's brilliant. Oh wow. I'm such a genius. I honestly scare even myself sometimes, with how smart I am." Awsten rambled on excitedly, carried away by his incoherent train of thought.

Jawn slowly blinked in unabashed confusion, once, twice, thrice. "Awsten...what the hell are you talking about?"

But Awsten was softly humming to himself, already distracted by his so-called genius idea. Jawn heard little snippets of "hit me with your toothbat..." and the occasional "you know I'd like that!" punctuated loudly under his friend's breath, and he was already fully convinced he didn't want to hear the rest of it.

Having forgotten Jawn's presence in the room, Awsten took out his phone and began to type out a tweet that will change thousands of lives forever.

Jawn took a deep breath as he quietly slipped out of the room, hearing Awsten slamming his fists on the table and chanting "toothbat toothbat toothbat!" behind him. He hoped to unholy hell with both fingers crossed that this wouldn't be his friend's next weird hyperfixation, which he would have to clean up the messy aftermath of later on—as he always did in the past, and inevitably will for the rest of his damned eternal existence.

He came to regret those words soon enough.


End file.
